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An Almanac For The 21st Century

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Heal Me Like One of Your French Girls

Heal Me Like One of Your French Girls

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It's been scientifically proven that every 14 seconds a beauty blog publishes a post about what French beauty products you simply MUST be using. Are you using a French moisturizer? Because if not, your face will probably fall off within the month. Also, French girls are better than you, and you should devote a significant chunk of time aspiring to be like them. I am intrigued by any beauty product with a cult following, but I've never been tempted to go hunting down French skincare (British skincare, we've learned, is another story). However, when my mom told me she was going to France, I made her a French beauty shopping list and gave her directions to the top rated French pharmacy. I mean, she was going to be right there! One thing on my French shopping list that seemed a bit unnecessary (but also necessary, because FRENCH) was Homeoplasmine. From what I could tell from reading reviews online, homeoplasmine was a suped-up Neosporin/Aquaphor type product that, to paraphrase approximately a dozen beauty blogs, "Literally every makeup artist keeps in their kit, so you better get this or risk being a complete lame-o." So I asked my mom to look into this miracle elixir while at the French pharmacy, but with a huge asterisk next to it on the shopping list. See, I tried to find out the prices of all the items I was shopping for in France, but for homeoplasmine, I could only find the price if I bought it through a site and had it shipped to me in the states, not if I bought it directly from, say Citypharma in Actual Paris. If I bought Homeoplasmine through one of these websites and had it shipped to me, a 40g tube would cost me between $20 and $25. For French Neosporin. Pardon my French, but non merci.

So I told my lovely mom to check the price, but if Homeoplasmine is even over $10 to skip it. Turns out, it was so cheap she bought me the largest tube they sold, which is the 40g tube, and it was six euros. (Now, saying 40g to me means basically nothing, so I did some real-world measuring and the tube, not including the cap, is as long as an iPhone 5s and the circumference of a quarter. It's rather large.) Six itsy bitsy euros - just under $7 - to try out a cult beauty product that would cost me significantly more to try via any other means? Even if I thought it was just alright that would be completely worthwhile. But you guys, it's so worth the hype.

To put it plainly, Homeoplasmine is a Neosporin/Aquaphor-type product. But this is some next level first aid. Where Aquaphor and Neosporin and more oily, Homeoplasmine has a very thick, balm-like texture. I'd say imagine if Aquaphor were wax based instead of oil based (although, not literally. I'm not describing actual ingredients here.), and as you applied the product to your skin it sort of melted. That's what Homeoplasmine is like. I am prone to eczema, particularly around my nose and the backs of my hands, and Homeoplasmine has been a GODSEND for my cracked and flaking skin.

The bottom line is: Homeoplasmine is everything Francophile beauty blogs tell you it is. It's probably more. But it's worth $10. $12 max. If you're in a situation where you can get a tube for that price or less, get one, or even a few. I wouldn't recommend spending $25 on what is essentially super-mega-Aquaphor. Just buy Aquaphor and squirrel away all that money you saved for a trip to Paris.

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