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An Almanac For The 21st Century

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These Acne Destroying Patches Are Literal Magic

These Acne Destroying Patches Are Literal Magic

Somewhere in Korea there is a gifted witch, who has labored over her cauldron for who knows how long. This blessed master of the occult has crafted a concoction that will send the most stubborn breakouts back to hell where they belong. "How will I get my hands on such a miracle?" You may be asking, "And how will I ever afford it?" Allow me to blow your mind yet again: You can get your little mitts on 24 of these zit-busting patches for just five bucks, and they'll be delivered right to your door. 

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I have the terrible habit of picking at anything on my skin. A pimple, a patch of dry skin, that one whisker that grows out of my chin... (This is the beginning of a horrific poem that I will finish later.) I have told my dermatologist that the only way to get me to stop picking at my skin is for us to make sure there is nothing to pick. This plan of attack works pretty well, but as we know all too well, even the best laid plans let a few pesky breakouts slip through now and then. When I've gone and messed up by poking at a pimple, these patches are there to rescue me. 

The patches come in three sizes, and you're meant to find the smallest one that will still cover the entire treatment area. Just find the correct size patch, peel it off, and slap it on your clean, bare skin where you need some relief. You are supposed to leave the patch on for 8-12 hours, so a sae assumption is that you'll do this in the evening and wear it overnight. I'm very pale, and for me I could imagine wearing one of these patches out and about in the world. They blend in shockingly well with my skintone, which I now know is the color of a translucent medicated zit patch.

When the lil' patch is done working its magic, you just peel it off and KABOOM! A miracle has occurred. I can say that when I've used these, it's been after I've already poked and prodded a zit. After using the patch the area is still red (another side effect of printer paper white skin) but the bump from the zit is GONE. Completely smooth skin. So now you can cover that red splotch super easily with makeup and you look like nothing ever happened. The first time I peeled back a Cosrx Acne Pimple Master Patch I literally yelled, 'GOD BLESS WHATEVER KOREAN WITCH MADE THIS." Amen. 

A Protein Bar That's... Delicious? Yes! Really!

A Protein Bar That's... Delicious? Yes! Really!

Read These Books Now Before They Hit the Big Screen

Read These Books Now Before They Hit the Big Screen