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An Almanac For The 21st Century

Welcome to This you Need. Allow me to help you find that one perfect thing that will solve a problem or simply bring you joy. 

Wear, Watch, Want #23: The Illuminated Scorched Reality Edition

Wear, Watch, Want #23: The Illuminated Scorched Reality Edition

Wear: Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Eye Pencil in Scorch

I've written numerous times about my love of Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Eye Pencils (initially here, and again in more detail here), so I won't go into how they're the BEST eyeliners EVER, but please be advised: They are. It has been unusually humid here in LA this past week, so much so that we have been under a humidity advisory, which in my homeland of the Midwest we just call "Summertime!" HEY-Yo! Anyway, it's been so humid that a full face of makeup is just not happening, no matter how in a full-face-of-makeup mood you may be in. This is where a bit of Scorch has been my best friend. I've found that smudging some Scorch along my top lash line and bottom waterline, plus using copious amounts of waterproof mascara on my lashes and tightlining with Urban Decay liner in Zero creates a casual "daytime smoky" eye look that is just about as humidity proof as it gets. Plus, I've gotten copious compliments on my eye makeup when I wear it, AND it only takes about three minutes to go from bleh to BLAM!

Watch: UnReal

I regularly drive past an intersection with a billboard advertising Lifetime shows. When one Lifetime show's time on the billboard is over, another Lifetime show replaces it. I typically do not know what these shows are, but they never look good. This was the case yet again with UnReal. This was the billboard:

I have seen and adored every second of UnReal, I'm about to tell YOU to watch UnReal, and the above marketing still does not make me want to watch this phenomenal show. Bad, bad Lifetime! How could you do this to yourselves?! Good thing for them and me that 1) Forever Young Adult told me that UnReal was my new favorite show (FYA is why I watch The 100, so I trust them implicitly) and 2) When I made a mental note to watch UnReal, but then didn't get to it soon enough, I had actual IRL friends who said, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT WATCHING UNREAL?!"

So here's the dishy dish on UnReal: Shiri Appleby, an actress I have never not loved, plays a producer on Everlasting, which is The Bachelor without inciting a lawsuit. She is the best producer there is, possibly because she's a sociopath, but maybe she's just driven? Who can say? She's a baby version of Quinn, the show runner, played by the amazing Constance Zimmer. If you're not kind of obsessed with Constance Zimmer, may I recommend that you listen to her be interviewed by Aisha Tyler on the Girl on Guy Podcast? Because it is fantastic and she is a FORCE. Anyway! So these two women are the puppet masters controlling the women in FRONT of the camera, the contestants, who are your typical reality TV contestant tropes, but with twists. Not everyone is as they seem, and not one episode of UnReal goes by without at LEAST four or five WTF they did not just do that moments. Just watch this trailer and tell me you don't want to watch this show:

One of the points my friends Ashleigh and Hilary made when they were explaining the amazing points of UnReal was that no one is spared from despicableness on UnReal. Everyone does terrible things, and there is such a prevalence of shocking behavior that there is no need for manufactured drama. So, to put that in a spoiler-free way, there's no case of someone seeing their boyfriend eating dinner with another girl so she gets upset and dumps him and cries into a glass of wine but it turns out it was his SISTER! type of scenario. When you think someone slept with someone? They did. When you think there was a betrayal? There was. And seriously, MAD props to Lifetime for giving the green light to everything they did (and for a season 2!). But negative props for that billboard. Yeesh.

Want: Table Lamps

My dad is coming to town next week and is bringing me a table from his house that I've wanted for, oh, at least 20 years. I'm planning on putting it behind my couch with some table lamps on it. Lighting in my living room is pretty lackluster and this will improve the situation greatly. But I need to actually procure some table lamps for this plan to work. I've been shopping for lamps and haven't been able to find many that I'm too keen on. They're either too tall or too busy or too antiquey or too modern... Until I found these little pretties at Target. They're right around 19 inches tall, which is just right. They're plain enough to blend in, but not so plain that they're boring. I think they could be perfect. So perfect in fact that I bought two while they were on sale, and they should be arriving shortly. So what started as a want when I began this post is now an on-it's-way-to-my-house.

Read This Movie: A Guide To Upcoming Adaptations

Read This Movie: A Guide To Upcoming Adaptations

Save The Drama For Your Eyebrows

Save The Drama For Your Eyebrows